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Surviving suicide attempt: There's help out there

Maryland Gazette - 1/16/2017

In September of 2000, Kevin Hines was convinced life wasn't worth living any longer. So, he jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.

Hines survived the fall - he's one of 36 survivors out of more than 2,000 who have attempted such a jump - and lived to tell about it.

In fact, since he got out of the hospital, he's been talking about it ever since. By his own estimate, he delivers about 300 talks a year on mental health and the importance of people - especially teens - looking out for themselves and each other. He urges those with urges like his to get help. His message has certainly found an audience; he's been profiled in magazines like Time and People and even wrote a book about his struggles and recovery, "Cracked, but not broken: Surviving and thriving after a suicide attempt."

On Wednesday, Hines delivered his message to about 400 selected student-athletes from Anne Arundel County schools. The lecture was sponsored by county athletic officials, who gave local athletes the chance to hear from ex-NBA player Chris Herron about his drug addiction at a similar event last year.

"We teach life lessons through sports," said Brian Layman, an athletic specialist for the county school system who helped organize the event. "We've done things like this to be an extension of the classroom. Whether it's (a talk on) mental health or substance abuse or just a motivational speaker, our message is the same: Take care of yourself."

The athletes also heard from Joe Williams, an Australian rugby star-turned-boxer. Williams delivered a similar message about his own demons and the need for those suffering from depression to reach out.

"Many of the kids came by to say that it helped," Hines said afterward. "One young lady ... was really hurting and she expressed to me that she was going to talk to someone about her pain. So that was a positive outcome."

Hines, who was neglected by his drug-addicted biological parents and then adopted by a loving family, spoke of his own problems with manic episodes, crying fits, panic attacks, paranoia and thoughts of suicide.

He remembered being terrified of U.S. Postal Service trucks in his neighborhood as he walked home from school, convinced that they meant to do him harm.

"I saw those USPS drivers for the assassins they were," he said.

As a teen, he couldn't bring himself to tell anyone about the feelings he had, or the voices inside his head telling him he didn't deserve to live.

"I was keeping it all inside for fear of being vulnerable in front of the people who cared about me," he said.

Finally in desperation, he rode a city bus home from community college one day, got off at the bridge, and jumped. Hitting the water, he shattered three vertebrae and came within millimeters of severing his spinal cord.

In recovery, he came to grips with what he'd done, realized the magnitude of the problems he had, and decided the spend the rest of his life spreading his message to others.

"I need help," he said. "We all do sometimes."

Williams, who enjoyed a standout athletic career as a rugby prodigy in Australia, delivered his talk before Hines, and spoke of many of the same issues.

Williams signed with a professional team at the age of 13 and seemingly had it all - fame, money, acclaim. But he had demons, too.

"That negative talk was between my ears and the only way to drown it out was with alcohol," he recalled.

That was the routine he fell into - alcohol to numb his pain, drugs to get him back up again. He attempted suicide as well - trying an intentional drug overdose that didn't work.

"I was convinced I didn't deserve to be here," he said.

He, too, decided to change his life after the failed attempt and sought to help others as well.

After all he's been through, he feels like he's a mental health expert in his own way.

"I'm not a psychologist, but I've walked the walk," he said.

He retired from professional rugby at 24 and turned to boxing because the physical exertion helped him cope.

"My fight continues," he said.

Credit: By John McNamara - jmcnamara@capgaznews.com

Caption: Hines